hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
