there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
