I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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