Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
please come you make the beer taste better
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
God gave him joint rollers for hands
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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