I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
