If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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