Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
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You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
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When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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