dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Duck Duck Cougar?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
