He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
