I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
