I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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