Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
