Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
