i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
