And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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