Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night