I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.