Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob