my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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