I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
