All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
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