He is like the real live version of the state fair..
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
