So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
