I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
