I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
