Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
