I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
