I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
