I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
