i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Randomize
