I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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