yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
ttyl tear gas
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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