If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize