Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
