The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize