Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
do herpes really smell.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
