Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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