I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
