this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
