I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
