I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
