my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
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I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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