i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize