I cockslap morals
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
