when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Every concussion has its silver lining
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize