The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
