I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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