just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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