On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
