We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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