HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
