Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
