Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
