i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
