i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Randomize
