theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
