I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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