apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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