I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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