I'm going to jail i love you
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
