one word: firstdatebathroomanal
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
