Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
