Pappa wants mamma naked
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
