You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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