I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
