so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
