where am i from again
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
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