At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
