she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
