Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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