It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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