I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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