if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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