I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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