that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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